Enough is enough

Danya O'Meally

What did I want from life? What was my purpose? Where was I going? Whose shoes was I trying to fill? These were the questions that kept me worried, fearful and very confused. All my life I’ve tried to please every one. I didn't want to disappoint anyone. I measured myself on what others thought of me. I wanted to prove to everyone that I could be the best but most importantly I wanted my mother to know that she was not struggling in vain. I wanted her to be proud of me and for a long time I thought I could only do that by becoming a doctor or something equally 'prestigious'. I was an oversees student, having just finished my A-levels successfully. I was waiting with baited breath to find put if I had been accepted at Kings College in London to study Biomedical Sciences. Words cannot express how happy I was when I found out I was accepted but the elation was not to last. Days later I realised that I would not be able to afford the cost of University. It was like a knife being slowly twisted in my heart. When my dreams of studying medicine came crashing down it broke me. I had to look to God and allow him to do what he's always wanted to do. Show me who I really am and what my purpose really is. This low point in my life brought me to the place where I was finally ready for change - for my destiny. The day I wrote the letter to the University giving up the position I had worked so hard for, I cried all the way to the post box. Afterwards, I determined in my heart to put every dream on hold, instead I would get a job, any job and support my family like the eldest child should. It didn't seem sensible to hope for much, we needed to survive. So I prayed for help but I didn't expect any.

That day I was literally just walking through the door to a future of obscurity when the phone rang. What willed me to turn around and answer that call instead of heading out the door can only be described as divine intervention! That phone call has changed my life forever. Through that phone call, I was introduced to Jacqui, my line manager and instead of going job hunting: I went to JUMP and was later introduced to Rank.

The rest is history.

I struggled to make others understand why I had changed my ambitions: I struggled to make them understand why JUMP, youth work and Rank had become so important to me. And every time my own perspective developed or changed, I struggled to explain why I was no longer the same little girl that I was almost three years ago when I started this journey.

I was the little girl who cried the first time I had to travel to a residential! Before that moment I had never travelled on a train by myself! Now, I have travelled around the world and back!

One of my biggest, most life changing experiences took place in August 2004 when I travelled to South Africa for the first time. Believe me; nothing could have prepared me for the transformation that would take place in my heart that summer. I not only learnt about Apartheid and saw the beautiful memorials but I met the people, worked with young people there and they made me feel beautiful, strong and proud to be a black woman. I came back with a deeper sense of my history and my identity. It is a lesson that I am very careful to share with as many young people as I am able to work with.

I was my organisation's first Gapper and I later moved on to Youth Development Worker and now Youth Projects manager. I have been given the ability to develop skills and gifts inside me that I never knew even existed, I manage, ! delegate, I learn, I demonstrate, I sing, I write, I create, I teach, I encourage, I counsel, I mentor, I lead, I assist, I dance, I listen, 1 love...

My experiences whilst being on the Gap Scheme and now on Youth or Adult? has included working with young people from kaleidoscopic backgrounds and experiences - whether in schools, in youth clubs and projects, in workshops etc. I have also done international work in Poland and South Africa; I have done presentations on behalf of my organisation at various meetings and events. I led training workshops, organised events, managed projects and members of staff, plus loads more.

In addition to all this, I have also been successful in my Foundation Studies at YMCA George Williams College and I am at present on Level Two of the BA Hons in Informal Education and Youth Work.

This experience has so far taught me about me. It has been like picking up a mirror that had been hazy before and have someone wipe it clean with a cloth - finally, I look again and staring back at me is a young woman with a passion and immense love for youth work.